


I'd Rather Go Blind

by obeythesithqueen



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Break Up, Heartbreak, M/M, Might write more of this, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-04
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-24 17:51:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6161586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/obeythesithqueen/pseuds/obeythesithqueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So what? After all of this--after everything we built here--you're just gonna throw it all away?” </p>
<p>“I don't do long distance, Red.”</p>
<p>Barry always insisted Len was a good person, and this would was his opportunity to prove it, to save the world throughout time from Vandal Savage. And as selfish Barry wanted to be, he couldn't deny Len the opportunity to prove what kind of person he was, to be apart of something bigger than himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'd Rather Go Blind

“So what? After all of this--after everything we built here--you're just gonna throw it all away?”

“I don't do long distance, Red.”

_Then don't leave_ , a selfish part of his mind shouted. But no, he couldn't ask that of him. Len wouldn't listen anyway for that matter--not when he had made up his mind. Stubborn bastard. Besides, Barry always insisted Len was a good person, and this would was his opportunity to prove it, to save the world throughout time from Vandal Savage. And as selfish Barry wanted to be, he couldn't deny Len the opportunity to prove what kind of person he was, to be apart of something bigger than himself.

Still, Barry never expected to care this much--to need his enemy like air. What started as a series of impulsive mistakes, wrapped together by a string of respect, transmuted into a serious relationship. Glares turned into stolen glances, fierce banter into playful flirts and murmured praises whispered on bare skin in the cover of night. Their dynamic shifted from familiar to foreign, and it was exciting and scary and dangerous all at once. Every meeting was a clash of fiery intensity, two opposing forces, both powerful in their own right, blending together into a brilliant harmony of desire and affection.

No one else knew about their relationship, their subtle glances and lingering hands dismissed as accidents. No one else knew the kind of man Len could be. No one else saw the criminal as the thoughtful and sweet man Barry never knew he wanted. They clicked in a way Barry never thought was possible with anyone else. No one else could understand how deeply they both had fallen. Of course, because their relationship was a secret, Barry constantly had to catch himself from saying too much, wanting nothing more than to scream to the heavens that the beautiful idiot in the blue parka was his--that he had fallen heels over head for a criminal and loved every minute of it. He wanted to gossip with Iris and get advice for Joe. But Len was right; they wouldn't understand. Nobody would understand that this was okay--more than okay. They built something together that was entirely wrong but somehow so perfectly right. They saw a spark and nourished it, held on tight and protected it from the scorn and anger that would surely follow. It was hard--so terribly hard--but also utterly, breathtakingly amazing, and they found it all on their own.

They still had to face each other as hero and thief, however. Though despite the initial hangups, they eventually reached an agreement of sorts, separating their personas from their personal lives. Barry and Len were in love, but Cold and Flash were still enemies.

Shaking out of his thoughts, Barry’s head snapped up to glare at Len.

“Then what was the point? What was the damned point of this--of actually trying to make this work? What was the point if you won't fight for it? I don't understand.” Barry searched those icy blues, desperately trying to find the answers. “Why would you make me care if you weren't gonna fight for this--for us?” His voice cracked as he averted his eyes to the floor. He couldn't do this, not again. It felt as though every time he bore his heart on the line, it was crushed under the steel-tipped boots of reality. Such a fragile little thing, yet it bore far too many scars to be desirable. Barry wondered if it could even beat anymore, or if it was as cold and stiff as it felt.

“Scarlet….” Len began, then stopped, letting out a heavy sigh, clenching and unclenching his hands like he didn’t know how to articulate his thoughts. Barry hugged his arms to his chest gripping his elbows tightly until it was painful. He hardly noticed the crescent shaped indents his nails were imprinted into his skin. It didn’t matter; he could barely feel anything right now, his entire body numb from Len’s hesitance. He squeezed his eyes shut, a vain attempt to keep the welling teardrops at bay. Why did this always happen? Why…?

“So you're saying this could be the last time I ever see you?” he murmured softly, maintaining a neutral mask over his growing inner turmoil. He knew Len could see right through him--always could--but Barry refused to break down in front of him.

Len ‘s face didn’t reveal anything, keeping that cool composure that never wavered, like always. God that made it worse. With a slight twitch of his lips, he rumbled in that gravely baritone that did things to Barry, “Better make it good.”

Barry’s breath came out in shudders, each inhale shakier than the last. This was wrong. They sat in silence for the next few minutes, neither knowing what to say, the gravity of the situation taking full effect. Only when Len got up and walked out the door did Barry allow himself to cry, wet sobs wracking his entire frame. Instead of feeling his lover's embrace around him, he hugged himself, the only person that would never leave. He didn't know why this came as a shock, though. It seemed everyone he loved always left him. The only difference now: he was just starting to think that Len would be the one who stayed.

Barry didn't keep track of the time, but he knew it was a while since the sun had stopped peeking out through the shades. He stood up, rubbing his eyes and face, trying to look presentable as he left the safety of the apartment to face the real world. This time he would learn. He knew better now. He knew how fragile--how vulnerable--his heart was. So from that day forward, he promised to never give it away again.

* * *

As soon as Len stepped out the door, regret pooled in his chest, coiling around his frozen heart like a boa constrictor. He was three steps outside when he boiled over. With a wordless scream, he punched the wall over and over again, all of his pent up frustration finally breaking free from his rigid self-control.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!” With each ground out curse, Len threw another fist at the brick, splitting the skin over his knuckles for sure. Blood dripped down his hands and painted the rusty brick a darker crimson. He turned his back to the wall, sliding down into a crouch, back against the wall and palms rubbing his eyes. _This was a mistake._ A much as Len wanted to run back inside and take it all back, dry his love’s tears and hold him tight, he couldn’t. This had to end; they couldn’t keep tricking themselves into believing that they could actually last. The longer they disillusioned themselves, the harder it would be to let go. And eventually they would have to let go.

This _thing_ between them was dangerous, poisoning their logic with optimistic fallacies that could never happen. No one would accept their relationship. Detective West hated him, along with Dr. Snow and Ramon, no doubt. Iris West was a wildcard, but Len wouldn’t risk it. She was Barry’s best friend; her disapproval would crush him. Not to mention the fact that all of Len’s friends and associates were criminals who hated the Flash.

Len picked himself off of the ground and dusted off his pants. Taking a look at the drying blood on his knuckles, he made a note to head back to one of his safe houses for some gauze. He reached into his pocket, taking out a slip of paper with an address. Half an hour left, and he’d be gone, in some different place and time. Rip’s offer provided him with the perfect opportunity to push Barry away. A perfect escape for Barry to move on. Something twisted in his gut at the thought.

Barry would move on without him and love someone he deserved. Someone who wasn’t Len. With one glance over his shoulder, Len walked away, his heart heavy. It was the right thing to do. Len may not be a good person, but...but Barry made him want to try.

Barry would be fine. Without him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey people. So here's my first contribution to the ever growing coldflash fandom. I might make this a series or add to this if I get inspired enough, or if people actually like this, so yeah. Also, I'm working on a long coldflash fic as well. I'm like almost half way done with it. 
> 
> Anyway if you have any question or comments, feel free to contact me or leave a comment. My tumblr is here: http://supremeoverlordofthegeeks.tumblr.com/


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